


Fortune Favors the Laser Cat

by mattygroves



Category: Laser Cats-SNL Digital Short, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Not to be taken seriously, Sorry Not Sorry, laser cats and star wars, pretty self explanatory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 18:18:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6089785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mattygroves/pseuds/mattygroves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...</p><p>There was a nuclear war.</p><p>And because of all the radiation, cats developed the ability to shoot lasers out of their mouths.</p><p>Some will use the cats for good, others for evil...</p><p>Who will win in a world of LASER CATS!?!??!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fortune Favors the Laser Cat

“Finn!” Poe called down the fluorescently lit First Order hallway, “Use your laser cat!”

“Right!” Finn called back, grabbing the kitten that was strapped to his back, “Lock and load. These First Order thugs don’t stand a chance!”

“Uh, that’s kinda rude,” one the stormtroopers said.

“Yeah, we’re right here.”

PEW! PEW!

“Not anymore,” Finn said sadly.

“Hey, buddy,” Poe clutched Finn to his manly chest, “It’s okay.”

“They used to be my friends,” Finn sobbed manly tears.

“They’re in a better place, which is where we’ll be if we don’t get off this ship. C’mon, we got what we came for and the General’s waiting.”

***  
“Well done, gentlemen, that was some fine laser catting you did out there,” General Organa commended them stiffly. “But the job’s not done. The First Order is acquiring millions of new laser cats everyday. We’re going to need a new source of laser cats if we’re going to stay in this fight.”

“We’re on it, General,” Finn said.

“Yeah, no need to worry, mom—er, General. I don’t think of you as a mother figure. Sir,” Poe fumbled.

“We got a lotta work to do, buddy,” Finn clapped Poe on the back and led him out of the General’s office before he could embarrass himself more.

“Thanks for having my back in, there, partner. It’s not that I think General Leia is my mom, obviously, but she kind of reminds me of her. It’s just little things—”

“It’s okay, buddy. Hey what do you say we head to the cantina and drink some space beers?”

“High-five, man,” and he suited the action to his words.

***  
Later that night, while they snuggled in their bunk, Finn became worried.

“What if we don’t find another laser cat supplier? We’ll never defeat the evil First Order,” he concluded despondently.

“It’s okay, babe, I have an idea about that.”

“Am I gonna like it?”

“You’re gonna hate it.”

Finn sighed deeply, “Tell me.”

“We’re gonna steal the laser cats,” Poe paused for effect, “From the First Order!”

“You’re right, I hate it,” Finn said, but then he grinned, “I’m in.”

***  
“MILLICENT, ATTACK!” cried the evil General Hux, his red face matching his hair and his cat.

Finn and Poe were in another brightly lit, beige First Order corridor, and they were surrounded. They had taken out the guards at the laser cat holding facility, before being ambushed by Hux, Millicent, and an elite squad of highly trained laser cats.

“I think this is the end of the line, buddy,” Finn said, their bodies pressed side by side against the wall, hoping the girder was enough to shield them. “Millicent is too strong for us, we’ll never make it.”

“Never say never!” Poe called back amidst the din, “There’s gotta be a garbage chute around here somewhere.”

Just as he was about to make a dive for it, the door behind them blew open. Light and music filled the room.

“Rey!” Finn called, when he could see and hear again, “Back from Jedi training! To save us!”

“NOOO!” Hux cried from the other end of the corridor.

Rey winked at Finn and Poe as she passed.

“The lasers have no effect on her!” Poe said in wonderment.

Halfway down the hallway, she stopped and held out her hands. The laser cats stopped shooting.

“She’s using the Force to turn them good again!” Finn said.

“No, please,” Hux pleaded, “Not Millicent. Take all the others, but please leave me Millicent.”

“Very well,” Rey said, as a light shone around her, “But you must never again use laser cats for evil.”

“I won’t, I promise,” Hux sobbed on his knees in front of the Jedi, and she placed a hand on his stooped head.

***  
The ride back to base on the Millennium Falcon was a fluffy one.

***  
“I have signed an order that prohibits the use of laser cats in the whole galaxy!” the General announced after giving medals to Rey, Finn, and Poe. The whole base was there to watch and they applauded the news.

“At last,” General Organa continued, “We can put this war behind us and look toward rebuilding the future!”

Finn and Poe grinned at each other, knowing it was their doing that the galaxy was at Peace.

“Don’t forget how I saved your asses,” Rey whispered out the side of her mouth, still smiling and waving, “Again.”

“Get in on this, then,” said Poe.

And their three hands met up top in the galaxy’s most awesome high-five.

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling under the weather today, so after work I watched all the Laser Cat SNL videos. Then this happened. I have no regrets.
> 
> Oh, and Poe calling Leia mom is totally inspired by tumblr, I'm sorry I don't have a link to the post, but if you leave it in the comments, I'll update this note :)


End file.
